


white something

by dayseyes



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Getting to Know Each Other, Insecurities, M/M, boys being clumsy with their feelings, creative intern!renjun, model!donghyuck, nothing spicy happen rated m just to be safe, one side clueless pining, sexual-ish tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-24 15:35:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21820288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dayseyes/pseuds/dayseyes
Summary: “I can’t feel you mocking me in your head, but whatever. I know you know him by his portfolio but trust me, you're going to love Donghyuck.”Ah right, Lee Donghyuck. Or officially, Lee Haechan. Known to the public as the youngest brother of acclaimed rappers that bring korean hip-hop to the international scene, TY and Mark Lee of the 7th Sense Label. Apparently taking on modeling since high school and the few people who can enter Johnny Suh’s heart. Doyoung’s self-proclaimed unfortunate little brother in association that Lee Taeyong is his best friend and childhood friend, basically raised Donghyuck since he was brought to this world he said. Not much publicized about his personality except that he’s the embodiment of the Sun. And the newest face for Prive.This is going to be their firsts for both of them.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan
Comments: 16
Kudos: 133
Collections: ’00 FIC FEST: ROUND ONE





	white something

**Author's Note:**

> prompt #0065
> 
> just a caution that this is un-beta ed and probably not the most consistent work out there but doing this was an absolute fun, and i want to thank the prompter and admin tea for this chance!

White. 

White walls, white floors, white ceiling, everything is just so _white_. 

The strap on his neck feels heavy, the familiar weight of Johnny’s professional mirrorless almost suffocates him, but at the same time it is the only thing that grounds Renjun, his shoulders bear the pressure of the air that filled his lungs. 

People buzz around him, setting everything up Johnny and he briefs them. This crew is unfamiliar but they work quickly and efficiently. It should reassure Renjun that he is working with such a professional crew— _oh god, professional_ again. 

Renjun may went through numerous shoots with Johnny and Ten already but frankly, this is his first professional shoot with such a high-end client—Prive by _The_ Byun Baekhyun, Renjun’s sexual awakening, his muse, his inspiration—and while everything is so exciting, he is undeniably, nervous as fuck. 

_This_ is one of the moment he’d been waiting for when he applied for his internship at Johnny and Ten’s place. Being a fine art major and then finding out that even though he has his own idealism it doesn’t stretch out that far that he’s willing to put it on test for his financial stability, he rather be and knows he will thrive in an environment with a little bit more structure and predictability, where there is a market based on data and not a few percents of the richest in the world with a wrapped up taste in their investments. Renjun knows he would probably die if he takes on design from the start but the few classes he took on his last few years in university really do absolute wonders. And that’s why Johnny and Ten are the perfect choice for his internship, a little salvation in Renjun’s muddled and conflicted heart, they are the creative duo in the design industry that are very in-touched with their artistry, something Renjun learns that is an equivalent of a unicorn, a fantasy, magical and precious, _and_ prideful. Everyone with an artistic calling is a stuck up ass at some point in their personality anyway, Johnny and Ten able to make it into a profit. 

Renjun knows he shouldn’t put them in a sort of pedestal but he would love very much to know if he’d be able to survive on his own in such a saturated and unforgiving industry. 

Not his fault that he treats the outcome of this shoot as do or die. 

A warm hand engulfs his shoulder, positively startles Renjun into metaphorically shitting his pants. 

“Dude, breathe. You’re gonna be great, Jun.” Renjun can hear the teasing tilt in his mentor’s voice. 

_That’s literally what I only been doing, breathing._ Renjun wants to scowl but he only manages a pout. 

Johnny is so tall that Renjun must always strain his neck to meet Johnny in the eyes. He _must_ look at Johnny in the eyes, his mentor has some sick hobby that he thinks it is helpful for the people around him to receive an intense soul-searching eye staring from him. Probably one of his quirks at being so good in photography, the other percent is that he’s just an ass sometimes. And Renjun is just stupidly competitive sometimes (most of the time) so he returns Johnny’s habit back at him. See, he’s the perfect fit in JohnTen’s quirky gang. 

( “He’s scary.” Doyoung said after ten minutes of meeting Renjun. Right in front of Renjun’s face.

Ten beamed at his nemesis’ reaction, proud of his soul-mentee. 

Johnny kissed Doyoung’s nose mockingly, and then evaded the incoming swat of his boyfriend’s hand)

As always. Johnny’s unwavering brown eyes seem to know what he’s thinking. 

Right at that moment, his mentor gives him a toothy grin, long-gone is his nervousness and now all he can feel is wary. Renjun doesn’t like to admit it but he still can’t read Johnny fully. Johnny put his other hand on Renjun’s also other shoulder and now he has Renjun fully on his hold. Johnny really doesn’t fucking know his own strength sometimes so what Renjun is pretty sure meant to be a Relieve-the-Nerves-Massage become Renjun-Crusher-Hold instead. He appreciates the effort. 

The act reminds him of a dog so much that he can’t help but laugh at Johnny even through the pain. Actually he is not sure if he’s gasping from the laugh or pain. 

“I can’t feel you mocking me in your head, but whatever. I know you know him by his portfolio but trust me, you're going to love Donghyuck.” 

Ah right, Lee Donghyuck. Or officially, Lee Haechan. Known to the public as the youngest brother of acclaimed rappers that bring Korean hip-hop to the international scene, TY and Mark Lee of the 7th Sense Label. Apparently taking on modeling since high school and the few people who can enter Johnny Suh’s heart. Doyoung’s self-proclaimed unfortunate little brother in association that Lee Taeyong is his best friend and childhood friend, basically raised Donghyuck since he was brought to this world he said. Not much publicized about his personality except that he’s the embodiment of the Sun. And the newest face for Prive. 

This is going to be their firsts for both of them. 

___

Donghyuck—Renjun knows he doesn’t really know Haechan but Johnny and the rest call him that every time so it just sticks—is peculiar. 

He tries not to stare, he knows what to expect from the portfolio they sent to the agency but maybe that is why Renjun is so intrigued. Renjun just hopes he doesn’t look like one of those many crazy scientists obsessed with extraterrestrials in the b-movie he guiltily pleasured to watch. 

It is a given that a model must be able to do many facades, depends on the brief the client needs. So of course inside Donghyuck’s portfolio is filled with him having wide ranges of expressions and images, often the complete opposite of each other. Interestingly, this transfer in real life when he’s not even posing. Renjun looked in wonder how Donghyuck just standing but in slightly different lighting and the angle you see him, he just, _changes_. Soft, rounded corners of the slope of his nose, the heart-plush of his lips, and those round eyes and he looks timelessly youthful. But then in a slight shift, his hooded eyes, cheekbones, and jaw that can cut any diamonds, matured him beyond comprehensible years. 

And Lee Donghyuck is absolutely aware that Renjun is blatantly checking him out. 

Under the studio lights, the model’s eyes twinkle as he stares at Renjun head-on. A lopsided grin adorns his face, seemingly bask on the attention Renjun giving him, in a way that makes the hunch of his back appear to be relaxing and snazzy instead of his unfortunate spine disposition. Renjun literally sees him walking over, you can’t fake that bad posture, he knows because after hours and hours hovering over his damn course works he would probably end up just like Donghyuck if not for his childhood ballet training. 

“Are you ready?” smooth voice directs at Renjun, the question seems innocent enough.

But Renjun sees the glint, see the way his body loosen up into a stretch tacitly following the music Ten specifically curates for this particular shoot, this particular model. He sees the implicit probing at his own engagement, teasing him, is he paying attention at the way he is supposed to? With a sweet tilt of that honeyed chin. 

Donghyuck really is pretty. 

More amused than anything Renjun just raises his eyebrow up and smiles like he has an inside joke with himself. Renjun mirrors that tilt of his, “More than you are.” Sweet and polite. 

Donghyuck can’t hide his surprise at Renjun’s own response, but the expression is quickly replaced with a grin that spans across his face.

Johnny is sitting behind the monitor, this time Renjun will completely hold the camera until the shoot ends. Ten’s little experiment. Amused by the way Renjun and Donghyuck acting towards each other already, he cues both twenty years old to start. His best friend going to eat this shit up, too bad Ten couldn’t be there with them right now, even though he is the one who schemed the whole thing. 

Right at the cue, Donghyuck wastes no time in striking his pose; he takes a step and leans directly into the camera. 

It is so sudden that Renjun nearly missed his timing. 

Donghyuck is abrupt, he is fast, he is dynamic. He doesn’t let Renjun breathe. And Renjun doesn’t think he could, doesn’t think he wants that. Donghyuck’s stare is piercing through the camera, like he is looking at Renjun instead, as if the sharpness could pierce through his head. He so quick that Renjun couldn’t check if Donghyuck being too intense for their brief, but Johnny at the monitor and his mentor got his back, will definitely notify them if something not up to standards. 

“A bit faster, Jun,” Johnny calls out from the back. 

Renjun grits his teeth, he’s trying. 

It’s only for a millisecond but he sees the slight smirk on Donghyuck’s face through the lens. His eye twitches. 

“Wait.” Renjun doesn’t wait to see if Donghyuck really stops but a vindictive side of him could care less about that, He works his fingers over the camera setting, which Johnny has pre-set it for him, he quickly thumbs over them and adjusts the diaphragm and shutter. Barely half a minute passes before Renjun rights the camera again on his hand and takes a test shot at Donghyuck. A satisfied smile appears at his face when he manages to capture Donghyuck’s slightly bewildered expression. 

Donghyuck doesn’t say anything and he just quietly starts posing again, but Renjun can read the mirth in his eyes even from miles away.

For what it seems like a long time, only the music playing at the background and the quick work of shutters can be heard throughout the studio. 

Donghyuck works more on his arms, creating form with his body, he is creating his own composition. Renjun wonders if this is something instinctive of him or Donghyuck is just terribly smart. Maybe a bit of both. But considering how cheeky Donghyuck been pulling him in, he keeps the weight of his body into the center quite well, making Renjun’s job honestly easier. Maybe he’s not as a brat as Renjun thinks. 

But Renjun won’t just follow the model’s lead. 

Renjun takes a step closer to Donghyuck, as he adjusts the diaphragm of the lenses manually. He changes his grip and the angle at where his elbow is resting. 

Donghyuck quickly takes note of this, making Renjun smiles. 

It’s not long before Renjun comes up with a fast work of himself, giving Donghyuck a taste of the pace he gave Renjun before. Renjun moves as if he can stretch the distance between the camera and Donghyuck, and Donghyuck responds with a sharp flick of his chin, using his shoulder to take advantage of the lighting like he’s painting a chiaroscuro using his own body. 

Renjun keeps getting closer, closer, and closer until Donghyuck’s back is met with the wall. Donghyuck goes down then and Renjun quickly takes the space between the model’s legs. Donghyuck’s eyes flutter, not even once he gazes away from the lens, from Renjun. 

He hovers over Donghyuck for a second, stealing a moment at how Donghyuck looks under him. 

Renjun leans back to have a more workable angle, after a dozen shutters he goes down, matching Donghyuck’s eye level. He has one knee supporting him while his other foot works as an anchor. Donghyuck straightens up and meets Renjun, one of his legs goes into the space between Renjun’s knees and foot, without the camera both of them would be staring deeply into each other's eyes, even though it already feels like that to Renjun ever since the shoot starts.

“Okay! We got it!” Johnny’s voice booms through the studio. 

Renjun’s ears ring, and he remembers that they’re in a studio, with a whole crew behind them. He doesn’t realize how audibly he been breathing, both of them are. 

The crew breaks into applause and cheers, shouting praises and job well done at both of them. Johnny’s giggle definitely stands out in the crowd. 

Renjun took a deep breath, before pulling away from Donghyuck, almost unwillingly but he doesn’t dwell at what that means and give his hand to Donghyuck instead, hauling both of them up. 

“Haechan-ah! You can change into the next outfit!” At Johnny’s cue, a stylist immediately appears at Renjun and Donghyuck’s side, startling them into letting go of their hands. The stylist takes Donghyuck away without saying anything. 

Renjun blinks. He skips his way to Johnny with a questionable expression on his face. His mentor looks amused at whatever he manages to capture on the monitor. 

“That was okay?” Renjun says a greeting. 

Johnny looks at his mentee then, “Okay? That was fucking great, Renjun. Ten will eat this shit up.” He grins. 

That doesn’t settle Renjun, instead, it makes the crease between his eyebrows deepened. 

Johnny rolls his eyes and just gestures Renjun to stand next to him so he can see the monitor himself. 

What Renjun sees surprise him, first, he doesn’t realize that he actually takes about three hundred photos, especially with the timeframe, he swears it was only four songs length at most. Second, he really takes some damn good photos. 

“Ten was right, you guys are fucking great together.” Johnny takes a snap of the monitor, probably going to show Ten the result of their shoot. 

And then Donghyuck comes back, in a new outfit and fresh makeup. Their eyes meet making them break into a smile at each other, slightly challenging. Donghyuck goes back to his spot, coaxing Renjun too before Johnny even tells him to. His mentor is too busy furiously typing into his phone. 

They finish the session as intense as the first one, and in one and a half hours, they are done.

___

“Here, I can help.” Donghyuck settles next to Renjun, helping him store Johnny’s stuff away. Renjun doesn’t say anything since Donghyuck really does know what he is doing. But he takes that moment to properly look at Donghyuck, without a camera between them. Renjun is naturally curious. 

Donghyuck staggers when he peeks at Renjun and find his inquisitive eyes looking at him. While the owner of those eyes seems completely unbothered at being caught staring. He unabashedly continues watching Donghyuck and taking his reactions in. Donghyuck himself is looking everywhere but Renjun. 

Renjun smiles, “What? You’re shy now?” 

The question makes Donghyuck freezes. But he is fast to gather himself and face Renjun heads on, “Then you should stop looking at me like you want to eat me up.” 

Renjun hums, “Sorry if that makes you uncomfortable.”

Donghyuck swallows.”Whatever. It’s cool,” he sighs,” anyway, how come we never met before?”

Johnny or whoever it is must-have talked about him to Donghyuck

___

Renjun browses through the raw files from today's photoshoot. He supposes to go over it with Ten—and maybe Johnny if he's feeling it—tomorrow but it won't harm him if he prepares himself. The quantity is a lot but he tries to at least evaluate half of them, for his own progress too. There is one thing that's interesting from this pile though, the more he scrolls down the more electrifying the pictures become. He remembers how he and Donghyuck pull and push towards each other, the model really dragged him out of his comfort zone. Also, Donghyuck is pretty amazing, Renjun hasn't encountered a photo where Donghyuck is not looking straight into the camera, if he leaves for a glass of water Renjun pretty sure Donghyuck's eyes on the laptop screen would follow him. 

Renjun notices that Donghyuck has a lot of moles scattering along his skin. It is most than he ever sees on someone. The placements of those moles, and the way the brings out shape almost too pretty to be a coincidence, it is as if someone intentionally arranged them, to create a composition on his skin. 

He traces them over with his finger, on top of the laptop screen, following the trail it creates, from the square on his cheeks, to the sharp angle of his jaw, and what looks like a vampire's kiss on his neck. 

It's.....fascinating. 

It reminds him of something. 

Renjun gaze shifts to bookshelf next to his desk. He doesn't read a lot of books, and most of the space is filled with his Moomin merchandise and art & design references which most people buy only to look at honestly, and interpret it images by themselves even though there are a perfectly rational and well-search facts written next to the pictures. Renjun is also one of those people. 

But he has some sentimental books from his youth that he brought with him when he moved to study in Seoul.

He crouches down to inspect the lowest rack, where he remembers where those memorabilia are. found them. Renjun takes out the Constellations book, five years old Renjun had insisted on the book when it was meant for seven years old and up. Next to it is a book about western astrology, during his puberty years he would believe that the stars on the sky have magic on them (he still kind of believes it).

He opens the book next to the laptop, where there's a photo of Donghyuck's most side face. It takes him a while something that resembles the pattern on Donghyuck's face, slightly lost in his own memories, but there it is the little dipper and the Ursa minor constellation. And it's an easy choice that Donghyuck himself looks like the little bear itself.

____

Renjun and Yukhei is eating in their campus cafeteria when Renjun receives a notification on his phone that catches his eye.

 **@onfullsun is now following you.**

Renjun checked his profile, it was pretty simple. Donghyuck is listed as public figure using Lee Haechan as his display name. His bio only includes the word "kimchi jjigae" with a sun emoji next to it which probably correlates somehow, maybe. He had less than ten posts though, and for a model, there was startlingly lack of self-promotion or even any selcas of himself except the first post on the page and a candid photo that Renjun was pretty confident was taken by Johnny seeing the familiar style. There is no organization or aesthetics to his feeds, just random pictures from LP records to blurry mirror photos of other people Renjun assumed his friends, he could make out Doyoung and Ten in one of them. All in all, it looked like any other teenager's page that doesn't really care about Instagram. This is completely fine if you are just a regular teenager but this account Donghyuck is a model and his Instagram account should be an extension of his work. But then again it's interesting that Donghyuck doesn't seem to care.

**@nanajaemin is now following you.**

“Hey, Yukhei?” his friend look up from his noodle bowl. 

Renjun sees Yukhei’s handle next to Donghyuck’s in the mutual bar.

Yukhei swallows the rest of his food inside his mouth. “Yeah?”

“You know Na Jaemin?”

Yukhei looks like he is about to ask where the question comes from, but thinks better of it. “Yeah, Nana, I know him. We did a campaign together, he’s an actor.” 

Oh. “I always forgot you’re kinda a celebrity,” He gives Yukhei a cheeky look before going back examing this Na Jaemin’s feed. 

Now that he knows Na Jaemin is an actor, he can easily figures which photos are him on a film set, some even photos of him getting his makeup done. It is far from Donghyuck’s own page, it is beautifully planned, the color-coding is fantastic for the varying highly different subjects that even make him impressed. What really stands out though, is the amount of Donghyuck on his page. Almost half of the content on his page are pictures of Donghyuck with him, sometimes alone. If someone shows him the feed only he would have mistaken that it belongs to the model instead. 

Yukhei splutters, “I’m not. Yet, at least.” he pauses, ”Trying to gain my audience though.” 

Renjun smiles then, eyes away from his phone screen. He knows how hard Yukhei works on his platform, he watches him build it from the bottom, and Yukhei is really good at what he does, if anyone who deserves to have a voice to be heard, Yukhei definitely one of them. 

**You followed back.**

___

  
  


> _**renjuunnn  
>  **_ _**hey hey hey heyy  
>  ** _ _:o  
>  _ _**? what does that mean?  
>  ** _ _nothin just doesnt epxect you tp be actually active on ig  
>  _ _**im not actually but i dont have your number :(  
>  ** _ _yuo can ask johnny?? Or ten??  
>  _ _**right  
>  ** _ _**um  
>  ** _ _**anywayy!!!  
>  ** _ _**you'll be there for johnten madshow right  
>  ** _ _yep, ill be aroun n be thier free labor  
>  _ _**you're not participating???  
>  ** _ _nah, its their thing  
>  _ _they dont let me particpate creetively this time  
>  _ _dont think even want to get between them...they been lookin crazy for this  
>  _ _**well i'm fucking excited  
>  ** _ _**the** **y always let me go crazy in this  
>  **_ _**and it's been a while since I've seen everyone, or we would've meet sooner honestly  
>  ** _ _**that being said, let's ditch the hags after we’re done**  
>  _ _ok but make sure u eat my cookies  
>  _ _ten threatened me to make them  
>  _ _**!!!!!** _

___

  
  


The ‘mad show’ as Donghyuck had mentioned it, is a bit of creative vomit that both Johnny and Ten do once in a while purely for self-care, well beside usually ending up producing the most iconic works in their portfolio, making them highly sought after, and what built their brand and make them apart from their competitors. It’s their little art and craft project, where they pour out all their artistic means, pulling out their inner bob ross. Ten said it’s necessary that as an artistic person in a creative industry has an outlet besides their professional works, or else they might get crazy, or worse lose, their passion for their art. Being burned out. (Which is one of Renjun biggest fear if he decided to end up in a similar industry, that his passion will be jaded for the means of reaching profits). Some people do urban sketching daily, some do watercolors, Johnny and Ten like to rent a whole studio for themselves and experiment with all their indulgences. Self-care. 

Renjun never goes to one of these projects ever since he joined the agency, but he saw the pictures that came out from these projects, the pictures that finalized his resolved to intern with Johnny and Ten. 

Since it is their personal project coming out right out of their own pocket money, only Johnny and Ten have the complete authority over this project, so that means Renjun will only be watching from the sidelines from start to finish. 

_(“Next time!!! We can do our own thing and ditch Johnny, but for this one just sit pretty and learn.”)_

Renjun doesn’t mind not being included in the creative process, he is just excited to see how Johnny and Ten are outside the business framework. Well, until they make him their errand boy at least. 

He is running a bit late, collecting some last-minute knick-knacks that Ten texted him at 3 am. His bleary still-quite-not-awake mind could barely comprehend why Ten needs play dough, balloons, and coconut oil. He is still not sure what the use of these items are for even when he finally reaches the studio’s door. 

The amount of bags makes it difficult for him to open the door immediately. He pushes it slowly, mostly using his shoulder, and then he sees it, narrowing his eyes at the suspicious black plastic bag that barely hanging between the door panel and casing, the only thing holding it up is the fact Renjun hasn’t opened the door to the hilt. Has a feeling of which asshole that would do something like this, he carefully slips in between the gap he already opened, somehow managing with the bags, the damn bags. Using his foot he slams the door close, giving himself enough safe distance from the offending plastic bag. 

The plastic bag pops, orange glitters burst out like fireworks. 

Renjun gapes, distancing himself as far as he can from the entrance. 

He heard someone clicking their tongue from behind him, his suspicion is correct when he sees Yangyang has his phone out like he’s recording the whole thing, the stylist is pouting, clearly disappointed that Renjun doesn’t fall for his ‘fun’. 

“You.” Renjun gives him a pointed stare, “No cookies for you.” 

Yangyang rolled his eyes, those kinds of things never work on him, he always finds a loophole, even when it’s coming from Renjun. 

“Not my fault that you are late,” Yangyang said as if it justifies everything. “Everyone already here, come on.” 

Renjun can tell by the noise that travels, “Have they start yet?” 

“Nope, Yuta and Ten still fussing over the model’s hair.” Renjun immediately feels sympathy for Donghyuck, being in the middle of two water signs arguing. 

He sets aside the bags and pulls out a tupperware filled with the copycat of levain bakery cookies that he baked the day before. Usually, Ten would pester Kun, his roommate slash ex-boyfriend (actually their status are always ambiguous so Renjun isn’t sure), to do something like this but Kun is in the middle of finishing his graduate school thesis, and that means no bothering Kun-ge until further notice that even Ten doesn’t dare to try. (Renjun already saved up some of the cookies for him later.)

Renjun grabs at least two cookies before letting them on the refreshment table. 

He takes a deep breath, “Cookies!” Renjun bellows out, slapping Yangyang’s hand when he reaches out for the sweets. 

Ten arrives first, everyone quickly follows after. His mentor somehow manages to grab at least five cookies in his hand, “Ten, you heathen!” Doyoung cries. 

Ten ignores Doyoung, “Thanks babe.” he pecks Renjun’s cheek. 

Renjun wants to fling something, anything. “No problem,” he replies weakly. 

Johnny pats Renjun at the back and takes some, pulling Doyoung with him when his boyfriend starts lamenting if he really should get some since Ten takes so much, wondering if there going to be enough cookies for everyone. Renjun, in fact, prepares for this situation so he baked _a lot_ , these babies are four and a half hours of love and labor. 

And then Yuta, the hairstylist and Johnny’s best friend along with Taeyong appear, which surprises Renjun. Taeyong chuckles at him, Renjun's feeling completely transparent on his face, and pats his hair, “I’m helping the makeup today.” 

Renjun met Taeyong a couple of times before, but he is usually too busy to stick around. 

Then there’s Hendery, who probably mostly here because of Ten. Sicheng is here too since he’s the other model today, he gives Renjun a quick hug, mindful of the done makeup on his exposed collarbone. 

“Renjun!” 

Donghyuck is grinning at him. Renjun would love to give back some of the enthusiasm but his voice gets stuck in his throat at the sight of Donghyuck’s bare torso. Renjun feels himself heating up, the glowing honey skin searing into his eyes. The sound of his heart suddenly becoming so loud in his ears, the only thing he can hear is Donghyuck’s voice calling at him. Confused, Renjun determines to look at Donghyuck’s eyes. 

“Donghyuck,” Renjun manages to strangle out from his throat, “Your nipples. They are gone.” _Huang Renjun what the fuck._

Donghyuck is confused for a second before glancing down at his chest, which makes Renjun embarrassed beyond measures, his mind _screaming_ at him to run and escape. Donghyuck's face lights up when he understands what Renjun meant, currently, his nipples are covered under body makeup, positively passing Donghyuck as anime characters that never get their nipples drawn. 

If that isn’t humiliating enough, Donghyuck does an exaggerated shy act and falsely cover himself modestly with his hands, while holding back a cackle that threatens to spill from his face. 

“Oh, Huang-ssi, how bold of you.” He flutters his lashes. 

Renjun throws his head back and groans, “Shut up.” he hisses as he shoves the cookie into Donghyuck’s mouth, literally shutting him up. What Renjun doesn’t expect is that Donghyuck _inhales_ the cookie, it barely grazes his teeth before he sucks the entire thing into his mouth and chews. The suddenness of it catches Renjun off guard, he quickly pulls his hand away at the first hint of Donghyuck’s warm tongue. 

Donghyuck moans at the taste, “Shit, this is really good.” 

He sighs. “I know.” 

___

Renjun sticks to Ten's side, and that means he stations himself near the monitor, but he put himself in a vantage where he can see Johnny behind the camera comfortably. In the JohnTen duo, Johnny handles the practical side of things, most of the time Johnny is the one who holds the camera, while Tem handles the less tangible aspect, he leads in concept formation and artistic direction; Ten dreams and Johnny makes it into reality, they work. Even though both of them are perfectly capable of doing it on their own, it is their choice and preferences, they choose to focus and honed on their strength. Renjun is thriving to balance in both aspects. But if he’s being honest to himself he knows his strength leans in Ten’s expertise. 

However this time, he stays a bit farther from Ten. The place where he stands is just perfect to watch Donghyuck being in his elements. It is purely from his curiosity, wanting to know how Donghyuck looks like doing his job without the camera lens. 

Donghyuck’s hair is artfully tousled, exposing his forehead. It looks like a very elaborate bed hair, Yuta is amazing at making his hair looking soft when they’re up and stiff. But what Taeyong did to his brother is probably the most impressive of all. His eyes are dark, the smokiness blends into Donghyuck’s skin, then they clear up like clouds in the sky parting to let sunlight shine through, Donghyuck is the sun. Dark peach and orange adorn his cheeks, it matches with the golden gloss of his lips. He has golden tears painted delicately.

And then there are his moles. They are everywhere, on his face, on his cheeks, on his neck, on his chest. They gleam like jewels, like polished obsidian. 

His body shines, the colored spotlights they set up reflects and flickers on his torso. Renjun knew it’s the excessive amount of body oil and glitters and highlights Taeyong slathered on him. 

The only piece of clothing he has on his body is a chiton from worn-out organdy with the upper cut off leaving his torso exposed, and a slit in the middle to give an impression as if it’s pants. The sheer fabric barely hides anything. It's the only thing that covering Donghyuck right now, for some reason the model even has forgone any piece of underwear. It hides _nothing_. 

(Renjun decides to ignore that little information for later, right now it’s showtime)

Johnny has Donghyuck laying on top of a bundle of thin iridescent plastics.

“Donghyuck, tip up your chin more. You are lovely but more like you want to dick down instead of being dicked, okay? Be sensual. You are the one have power! Imagine dominating someone big like Johnny! He’s literally in front of you.” 

“Ten. Fuck.” Donghyuck breaks away from the camera to glares at Ten. “My brothers are here for fuck’s sake”

“Exactly! For fuck’s sake!” 

Donghyuck rolls his eyes and slides his gaze towards the camera. 

“John, you’re a fucking genius darling.”

Renjun tears his eyes away from Donghyuck’s figure, he sees Johnny takes a few shots of the entire exchange. There is one photo that is blurred, the second most recent shot, there is a ghost of Donghyuck with his eyes white—probably when he sassed Ten—and then it solidifies into Donghyuck giving a nonchalant glance into the camera. 

Shit. that’s a pretty damn good picture. 

He should experiment with shutters more. 

(Renjun vaguely hears Doyoung gasps at the back, “Donghyuck just called me his brother, Taeyong.” 

“You are, Doie.”)

“It’s okay Hyuckie! Just be professional, don’t mind us!” Taeyong shouts in encouragement.

“I don’t get paid for this.” He grumbled. 

Renjun hides his laugh behind his hand. 

___

Donghyuck is completely different from the Prive photoshoot. 

Instead of the rapid surefire way of his dynamic poses, his movements are unhurried, but he never stops. He flows. 

Renjun knows this is partially because of Ten’s instructions and brief, but the amount of detail Donghyuck is giving is insane, not unlike the Prive shoot. He has very sharp senses. 

Donghyuck’s session goes on for about three hours, until Taeyong asking them to stop because Donghyuck keeps sneezing. They can’t put him under blanket or clothing or else they need to work on the body makeup again. 

Hendery drapes a blanket over Donghyuck’s shoulder. Donghyuck gives him thanks. From where he's standing their eyes meet and Donghyuck eyes Renjun mischievously.

Renjun immediately gets suspicious and the feel of apprehension fills his bones, he barely even hears Ten calling Sicheng to be on the set.

With a wide smile, Donghyuck makes a beeline towards him. The blanket on his shoulders flutters as he skips his way.

"Renjun," he beams.

Renjun takes a step back from DOnghyuck, "What?" He asks warily. 

Donghyuck just shooks his head, "I did pretty good, right?"

"...Yes?"

He grins, "Then I want a hug for a reward."

"You are so high-maintenance," Renjun rolls his eyes at Donghyuck's antics but opens up his arms anyway.

Donghyuck lunges at Renjun immediately, but there is at least a step distance between the two of them and it is enough for Renjun to see the way Donghyuck shrugs off his blanket and letting it falls onto the floor. Renjun's brain short-circuit at the amount of glitter on Donghyuck, screaming at him to get the fuck away from the model.

It's barely but he successfully evades Donghyuck's attack. 

They look at each other and—

Renjun runs away.

Doyoung shouts at them to stop running around and littering the studio with glitters.

___

Donghyuck doesn’t wash off his makeup cleanly, he gets rid of the most elaborate ones though. Renjun learns that Donghyuck prefers to clean his makeup at home, follow up with a shower. He _hates_ leaving on hair products too long though.

“Ugh, it feels so weird,” Donghyuck whines,” Seriously, what the fuck did Yuta-hyung use this time.” He kept pulling his hair down. 

“Donghyuck, you look _fine._ ” Renjun deadpans, who knows how many times he repeated this already since they left the studio. 

“It’s not about that! My hair doesn’t feel like mine, do you get it?” 

“No? How does that even make any sense?” He really couldn’t understand what the fuss is about, his hair was literally fluffy. 

Donghyuck groans, frustrated at the state of his hair. “Whatever, I give up.” 

Renjun rolls his eyes, he knew this would happen, and now Donghyuck’s hair is worse than before, loose strands and hair curling into weird directions, what a mess. 

“Come here,” Renjun grabs Donghyuck’s elbow to pull him closer, pausing them from walking. “I told you so didn’t I?” 

Renjun brushes some of the wild strands softly between his fingers, patting some of the more stubborn ones. Donghyuck’s face feels really warm even though he isn’t touching it directly. 

Donghyuck pouts even though he knows that Renjun is reasonable from the start, like hell if willingly gave Renjun the satisfaction of being right though, so the next best thing is grumbling at Renjun like a petulant child. 

Renjun laughs, Donghyuck is being incredulous. 

He runs his fingers through Donghyuck’s hair a couple of times to the side, they bounce back nicely framing Donghyuck’s face neatly. Renjun is satisfied looking at his work, inwardly giving himself a pat in the back. He pinches Donghyuck’s cheek one last time before pulling away, making the boy whines in protest while Renjun grins at him. 

Donghyuck is quite a sight in the crowd. dark and heavy eye makeup, peach blush, and glitters adorns on his cheeks like peeking stars, and the carefully crafted highlights glistening under the orange sky, Donghyuck looks just like the horizon above him.

It’s summer and the days are long. It’s not Renjun’s favorite season but if it’s not summer then he won’t be able to see Donghyuck shining under the extended golden hour in a loose white shirt. Renjun can’t see the sun and he doesn’t know if the sun even still up though the sky still bright at this hour, but it doesn’t matter since he has the sun next to him. 

Without telling Donghyuck, he takes a picture of him with his phone. 

Donghyuck noticed right before Renjun taps the shutter, not at Renjun but at the camera, it honestly confounds Renjun, 

He checks the picture, Renjun wants a candid picture but Donghyuck still looks good anyway. 

“What was that?” Renjun shows the picture to Donghyuck. 

Donghyuck eagerly closes into Renjun, a pleased smile appears on his face when he sees the photo. 

“Hm? Can you send me this photo please?”

“Sure but I don’t have your number,” He can send it through Instagram, but- 

“Oh, right.” Donghyuck opens his palm,” May I?”

Renjun gives him his phone, “How did you know I was about to capture a photo of you?”

“Oh, that,” Donghyuck mulls over it a bit. “I’m not sure? I’m just always sensitive to cameras.” He shrugs. 

Renjun wonders if that skill comes with being a model or if it just a Donghyuck Thing.

"You don't have a mini camera for everyday thing?" Donghyuck asks. Renjun gets what he's asking, Johnny and Ten have their own personal cameras that strictly for pleasure.

"Nah, as long as you know what you're doing any camera is enough." 

The street they are on isn't too crowded despite being next to the bustling main road, besides people passing by there are couples sitting around at the park in the middle of the street. 

"Wait, Renjun," Donghyuck holds his elbow.

Slightly disoriented from Donghyuck suddenly pulling him, he confusedly looks around, searching what would catch Donghyuck's attention. He doesn't give Renjun the chance though, linking their arms together, Donghyuck leads them to the middle of the park, away from the restaurants lining throughout the streets. 

"Donghyuck?" Didn't he say he's hungry?

The first thing Renjun notices is that there are more couples around, the second is that these couples are surrounding a busker performing in the middle of the park. Some of them have their phones out, probably going to post it in their Instagram story, some just completely in their own world with the sweet singing of the busker as a romantic backdrop. 

"I like this song," Donghyuck whispers into his ear as if he is afraid that talking too loudly will disrupt the busker's performance, opposite of other people beside them are chatting freely. 

"Baek Yerin?" Renjun says but couldn't manage the level of volume Donghyuck did, he recognizes the sweet love song. 

Donghyuck nods. 

They stay like that for a while, linking arms, with Donghyuck humming along to the melody and the sky slowly darkening above them. Donghyuck mouths the lyrics, words to words, his silent singing slowly raises into more audible harmonization with the busker. Renjun's ears tingle from the close proximity of Donghyuck's voice. 

Then seemingly out of nowhere the busker points at Donghyuck, making the model splutters. Eye wide, he meets Renjun's eyes for confirmation, he finds anticipation and disbeliefs in Donghyuck's gaze. So Renjun nudges Donghyuck to go to the front where the busker is calling him. 

"Come on," Renjun mouths, he lets go of their arms. 

Donghyuck shyly comes to the front. The busker tells Donghyuck to pick up the mic from the stand while he plays the guitar solo. The man gives Donghyuck an encouraging smile and he returns it. His eyes scan the crowd, some people seem to notice what's going on and are looking curiously at him. Then he settles on Renjun, who already has his phone out to record him, Donghyuck smiles. 

Renjun expects that Donghyuck would be a little bit hesitant at first, considering he seems to be nervous. But oh god, he so glad to be wrong. 

Donghyuck changes when he starts singing, not unlike when he's modeling, gone all the hesitation he shows at first. His voice rings loud and sure. 

Ridiculous. Lee Donghyuck is absolutely ridiculous. 

A honeyed voice fills Renjun's ears, his body shivers at the sweet tone Donghyuck is singing. 

It's warm, everything about Donghyuck is warm. His smile, his skin, his _voice._

___

“You are a music production major?” Somehow that isn’t what he expects when he thinks of what Donghyuck would study, but it makes sense, considering his two brothers are a musician themselves (sorry, Doyoung), and then the way he sang out there on the street, feeling up Renjun’s heart with— “Really?” 

Donghyuck pouts at him, looking ridiculous with his mouth filled with chicken. Donghyuck barely chews before he swallows, momentarily terrifies Renjun. “Why do you sound like you don’t believe me!” 

Renjun grins, “You sure you are not a vocal major?” 

Donghyuck gapes at him, incredulous expression of his face. Renjun laughs. “Fuck, you’re cheesy.” He mutters before looking away from Renjun, staring at his plate in utmost concentration. But Renjun can see how Donghyuck’s ears are flush, uncovered from makeup. 

Renjun’s phone keeps ringing from notification, he guesses people are reacting at his story when Dongyuck was singing with the busker. He can check them later. 

“Is music a family thing?” Renjun asks, genuinely curious at how one family could have such abundance talents.

“Sort of? My brothers and my love for music probably started because of our parents, they aren’t musicians or even play any instruments, but their hobby is collecting records, they have a whole room dedicated to their collections and we would always play in that room.” 

“Your parents aren’t afraid of little devilish hands ruining their collections?” Renjun can’t even imagine. 

“Nah, they live like that,” he pauses, “on the edge.” Donghyuck quickly elaborates. At that moment Renjun has tremendous respect and awe for Donghyuck’s parents.

They continue to eat their chicken. The food to their relief, is actually good, they just randomly enter a restaurant, too hungry and impatient to properly choose which place to eat. When they come in there aren’t as many people sitting like right now, the place is vibrant with people spending time with the ones they care about, so there was a slight apprehension on them both before they smell the plate of chicken coming out from the kitchen. Plus, the beer is cheap. 

There is something that’s been nagging at the back of Renjun’s mind since he found out that Donghyuck is a music major. He internally debates if he should ask about it, but Renjun doesn’t know how much their friendship goes now if it would be appropriate for him to ask. 

A hand reaches out to the corner of his mouth, startling Renjun out from his thoughts. He looks up from his food, bewildered, he stares at Donghyuck as the other brushes off some crumbs from the chicken coating and the sauce that escapes from his mouth. His touches are so soft that Renjun barely feels it. 

Donghyuck smiles at him, “You look like you have a lot of thoughts.” 

Renjun swallows down the tightness in his throat. 

“Can I ask you something?” Renjun starts steadily. 

“Yeah?”

“Do you know what you want to do?” 

Donghyuck blinks slowly, that wasn’t he has on his mind when Renjun seems to be in deep thought. It’s quite contradictory after he shares his major with him. “You?” Donghyuck asks instead. 

Renjun gives him a mirthless smile, saying nothing and everything at the same time. 

Donghyuck doesn’t speak immediately, the emotions that cross his face are unreadable, but they aren’t closed off so Renjun waits for him to settle. Donghyuck inspects him then, eyes searching something on Renjun’s face, he must come to a conclusion because his mouth starts moving, spilling soft words in a timbre Renjun never heard from him before. 

“I know how it looks like, doing this job while learning music when my brothers are basically superstars.” 

Renjun eyes go wide,”Donghyuck, that’s not—”

“Let me finish,” He says patiently, interrupting Renjun before he can finish his sentence, perhaps it is better that way. 

“I’m like some kind of washed-off version of them, trying to be relevant like I’m following their footsteps just because I can _because_ I’m their younger brother, but at the same time like I’m not like them, they are out there living off from music while I’m still studying instead of creating. Especially when Mark just a year older than me, you know?” Despite the low tone, Donghyuck speaks in, his words cut through into Renjun’s arms.

The word _Washed-off_ and Donghyuck don’t match Renjun’s mind, it’s just improbable. Donghyuck just shines because he makes it so, he will make you notice him one way or another, and it’s a quality of him, something deep-rooted and not just _trying_.

But Renjun shuts his mouth and desperately tries his best to not leak his concerns out like a broken faucet, by the amused smile Donghyuck shots at him seems like he doesn’t quite manage.

“It’s terrible things to think about, I know, I shouldn’t be spiraling it,” He sighs, “I know.” He repeats in a quieter tone. 

The expression on Donghyuck’s face suddenly changes into frustration, “But damn, that’s just how I feel sometimes and it’s not like I can always help it.” He rolls his eyes as if he’s such a drag for having a normal feeling like a normal human being. 

He faces Renjun determinedly, “Do you know how I got into modeling?”

Renjun shooks his head. 

“I was fifteen and Mark was shooting for his debut EP,” Renjun grimaces at the mention of the other Lee, ”I tagged along because I was curious, that was when I met Johnny and Ten for the first time.” Realization dawns on Renjun. 

“Ten approached me alone, judged me for 30 seconds before blurted out that I have potential,” Donghyuck snorts at his memory, “Don’t know how he even reached that conclusion even to this day but it was whatever to him, he roped me to be a model for his project,” 

“After that project, I found—” Donghyuck furrows his eyebrows, “I can’t put it into words, but ever since that little gig something keeps me coming back into the studio.” 

Donghyuck finally grins, “And look at me now, Prive Alliance’s face, baby.”

“I take pride in my work,” he says in clarity and shines in his eyes, “I will never be ashamed of it.” 

Renjun looks down at his fiddling fingers, hearing the unsaid message loud and clear, it echoes inside the chamber of his heart. 

“I _love_ what I do, but my first love and still is and will always be music. I don’t care if I’m a late-bloomer or whatever—” Renjun silently thinks it’s ridiculous that Donghyuck even thought of that, he’s not late or anything, nothing is too late, “—I’ll make sure I make it with music, I’ll be the most decorated songwriter in South Korea.” 

Donghyuck is positively beaming and _alive_. It reminds Renjun of himself whenever he talks about his drawing. 

“Donghyuck,” Renjun says with as much sincerity he could muster, “You are amazing.” 

Donghyuck becomes sheepish at the compliment, he says nothing and continues to stuff his face with chicken. 

He swallows, “Anyway!” Donghyuck hurries, “It’s only fair if you tell me about yourself too. I just show you my vulnerable side you know. I never say these things out loud before, not even to Jaemin but I suspect he knows anyway.” 

“Jaemin is my best friend by the way, we know each other even before puberty, which means he knows too much so I’m stuck with him for life.” He adds before he takes a chug of his beer. 

Renjun debates for a moment if he should tell Donghyuck that he already knows of Na Jaemin’s existence. 

“No wonder he followed me on Instagram.” In the end he muses out loud.

Donghyuck chokes on his beer, “He _what_ .” Donghyuck splutters, nearly hysterical. Red flush appears on his face. “You know what, never mind that, never mind _Jaemin_ , he doesn’t exist, okay?” 

“Okay?” 

Donghyuck nods, “Good.” 

“I’ll pretend you don’t talk about me to your best friend.” Renjun grins. 

If it even possible, Renjun doesn’t think Donghyuck could get any redder with the makeup and the alcohol in his system but he does. Donghyuck pouts at him. 

“Enough about me, what about you? Photography?”

Renjun nurse his beer, uncertainty fills him.

“Not exactly,” He vaguely answers, hoping it would appease Donghyuck enough because he himself doesn’t really know how to answer that question properly. But one look at Donghyuck is enough to tell the boy is curious, not a hint of soul.

His thoughts easily go back to the shoot today, the electrifying excitement both Johny and Ten clearly exude, the determined passion and will they pour into their creation, that’s just what he wants honestly, to be able to feel alive while doing something with an intended to do.

“Camera is not really my first choice as a tool.” 

Donghyuck urges him to go on, showing no sign of actually recognizing the stuff he’s spouting. He appreciates the effort though.

“I’m an art major.” Renjun states. 

“....that’s different?” Donghyuck guesses unsurely, but that'ss not off the mark honestly.

Renjun wrecks his brain at how he can explain this shortly. 

“Sort off, art and design are like siblings who don’t like each other,” he starts, “Like the two sides of the same coin type of thing.”

“What I do with Johnny and Ten, that falls under design, but what I actually learn in school, is basically almost the opposite thing.” 

“The skillset is familiar, but how you see things and the purpose are different, and that’s like a huge thing even though it seems significant, that difference is what gives value in art or design.” 

Renjun can imagine some of his classmates mouth-foaming at the way he carelessly explain these things, he always find it so silly at how people are adamant to distinct the two field, he knows it’s necessary but most people don’t have to be huge prick over it, at least from either should start seeing the other as sibling instead of bastard child.

“So,” Donghyuck starts, “If you follow your major steps you should be an artist? But now you’re more like a designer?” 

Renjun wants to laugh at how easy it seems for Donghyuck to conclude, while he’s the one who is explaining is walking around eggshells. But he inwardly shudders at the thought of being an actual contemporary artist, as a person from mainland china at that—too much talking about politics if he wants to be relevant.

“Supposedly.” _But anyone can be anything after university, you know?_ He keeps this thought to himself.

“But I don’t want to be that, to be honest, I don’t know what I should do with the things I learn from the university.” Renjun’s voice strains in the last sentence.

“It’s a pretty ambiguous path I’m taking—but that's why exactly I decided to intern in Johnny and Ten’splace in the first place, they found that balance of being passionate and profitable.” his grip tightens on the beer glass.

“I just—” He chokes, “Don’t want to be an empty shell.” 

Donghyuck reaches out to put his hand over Renjun’s tightly shut fist on the table, he squeezes their hand together, it feels incredibly grounding. Renjun breathes out. 

Donghyuck’s eyes shine as he looks at Renjun directly, “I don’t think it’s even possible for you to be an empty shell, Renjun.” He says in utmost certainty.

It’s the most serious words Renjun ever heard coming out from Donghyuck’s mouth, he hasn't heard even Donghyuck was talking about himself. It’s enough for Renjun to believes those words, at least for a moment.

___

Renjun finally checks his phone after parting from Donghyuck, he relaxes while leaning against the metro pole.

Most of his notifications are from Instagram as he suspects, the response from his most recent story of Donghyuck’s impromptu singing with the busker. He smiles at the messages he gets, most are in the form of shouting or shock, but he almost has an aneurysm when he sees Lee Taeyong Instagram handle in his DMs. He tries to read through his friends' response, occasionally replying back but it’s kinds difficult when his notification going off for some reason. Renjun squints at the number of new followers streaming in.

Confused at the sudden traffic his account get he just keeps scrolling until one particular DM strikes him as odd,

**@nanajaemin sent 8 messages**

_That’s new._ Renjun warily opens their chatroom.

> **_OHMYGOD???  
>  _****😳😳🤩🤩🤩** _  
> _ **_That’s my best friend right there!!!_ 🥰 _  
> _ ** **_@nanajaemin share you their story_ **

Renjun gapes as he watches the actor’s story, it‘s a reposting of his own story, with a little bit more too many stickers on it. There on the actor’s hundreds of thousands of followers is Renjun’s username etched on it.

> **_I hope you don’t mind_  
>  ** **_I heard a lot about you from donghyuck 👀  
>  _ ** **_Im jaemin!!!_ 💖💖💖 _  
> _ ** **_Lee Donghyuck destinated loving machine_ **

Renjun doesn't have the chance to reply because suddenly Yukhei calls him. 

“Renjun!” Yukhei cries when he accepts his call, but his friend sounds more excited than anything.”You went viral dude!!!!” 

“What.” 

“Right! I should’ve just texted you!” Yukhei abruptly ends his call. 

Renjun stares at his phone in bewilderment. 

True to what he says, Renjun immediately receives a text from Yukhei, and more. He opens the texts, Yukhei has sent him some screenshots of both twitter and Instagram. As he looks closer the contents of those posts are reposts of video he took of Donghyuck singing. His eyes nearly bulge when he sees the view count, mere hours after Renjun posted that video it already has over million views on different platforms.

**@nanajaemin sent you messages**

> **_hey , renjun?  
>  _** **_Thank you for sharing that  
>  _ ** **_I’ve been trying to urge donghyuck to share that side of his for years  
>  _ ** **_Thank you really_ **

___

His wrist is aching and his back is killing him and he doesn’t know how much the time has passed since Yukhei and Jaemin left him on his own devices, but Renjun could only care less about all that now with the bucket of murky paint water and the rustles of bruised plastic underneath his feet as his company and strays ink and paint decorates his arms, shreds of evidence of the tireless work he puts on the wall of the orphanage.

Today is the first time he met Na Jaemin in the flesh, and strangely it wasn’t through Donghyuck but instead through Yukhei when his friend had asked him if he has time to help around in his monthly charity work, this time with Jaemin’s connection to work on an aged abandoned building that recently being repurposed into an orphanage. One of the works available is including painting rooms and Renjun saw the opportunity to do more than just using a roll-brush to cover the walls with bright colors, he saw the blank canvas and the sense of wonder one deserves in childhood, and was reminded of the dusting pigments stored away in his room.

The ache in his arms is familiar, the weight on his shoulders over strenuous hours of work is comforting. The feelings are not unlike when he was bearing a weight of Johnny’s professional camera on his hands, it’s similar, but it’s also home where the weight of brush between his fingers gives him what pushing shutters can not.

It is serene, even though his wrist burns and there’s constant pounding on his neck wanting to spit acid.

 _‘Almost done_.’ This is the mantra Renjun been repeating over and over again. Every time a piece is finished, every grass, every hill, every flower, every cloud, every little mindful dot for a star in the sky; slowly but surely it unfurls a vast landscape Renjun once dream to run across with, to shout with triumph and feel the wind hitting his face, a landscape he used to daydream under the nightlamp in his childhood room flipping through pages of places where you can see stars clearly, a sight that little Renjun never able to see from his home where the sky is pitch black and it only has moon as its companion, a place untouched with human’s hands up north outside of China. Here he’s making that dream reality within his own hands, it’s exhilarating.

“Renjun?” a smooth voice calls him out from where the door is, puzzles him out from this flower he is detailing.

He puts down his brush and turns his head, trying to place who the familiar voice belongs to. At first, he’s surprised to see Lee Donghyuck in his casual glory, before quickly breaks into a smile.

“Hey, come in!” Renjun says, excited at seeing the unexpected guest.

Donghyuck enters carefully, not because he is shy but because his eyes are drawn onto the paintings on the wall, he looks around meticulously, basking the details of what Renjun does to the room. He mouths a silent _wow_ Before finally meeting Renjun’s eyes in the middle of the room.

Renjun can’t help the grins that threaten to come out after seeing Donghyuck’s genuine reaction, feeling of pride warming his chest. He stretches his hand out for Donghyuck, signaling to come closer and stand beside him. Renjun squeezes Donghyuck’s dry palm in thanks, a contrast to his sweaty palm after holding brushes for hours.

“I guess you’ll be the first one to see everything then,” Renjun lets go of their hand, he has something to show Donghyuck.

“Shit, Jun. There’s more?” Donghyuck says in wonder. His eyes trail over Renjun’s figure who bents down to take something between the buckets.

Renjun finds what he’s looking for and then he put the item on Donghyuck ‘s hand, as quick as he gives it to Donghyuck he begins to roll down the blinds and covers the room’s window from outside lights.

Donghyuck is curious, “What is this?” He turns around the device on his hand, there is a short LED light attached to it.

“Turn it on, Donghyuck!” Renjun says as he closes the door and switches off the lights.

It takes some time for Donghyuck to search with grabby fingers where the on/off button is in the dark, when he does a purple neon light starts to glow from it. Donghyuck sucks a breath, _a black light._

Renjun silently appears next to Donghyuck, startling him when he touches his elbow gently. “Here,” Renjun whispers, even the quiet tone can’t mask the excitement in his voice. Donghyuck lets Renjun lead him on, trusting him to know where they supposed to put their feet on. Renjun gets him in front of the middle wall, where even in the faint light Donghyuck sees it has the most details being put in.

Renjun’s hand encircles Donghyuck’s wrist that is holding the black light and guide to wash over the wall with its light.

Donghyuck gasps as hundreds of drawn stars blinking at him, as if they’re alive.

The scale is overwhelming.

“Huang Renjun,” Donghyuck marvels in wonder, his round eyes reflecting the shine from Renjun’s stars.

Renjun just smiles at the amazement he hears from Donghyuck, satisfaction and pride seep into his blood.

“Is that—a constellation?” he speaks lowly, like treading through undisrupted water.

Renjun doesn’t leave his eyes on Donghyuck as he answers the question, “Yes, it’s an Ursa minor.”

Donghyuck tears his gaze away from the wall to say something to Renjun, but nothing comes out from his mouth when his eyes met with Renjun’s. Renjun questions, but he says nothing as Donghyuck swallows his thoughts.

“They’re a little bear,” Renjun explains thinking it was what Donghyuck wanted to ask.

Donghyuck finally averts back to art in front of him, “Oh. That’s adorable.”

Renjun hums. He rests his head on Donghyuck’s shoulder, slowly feeling exhaustion catching up to him after hours of slaving away painting.

They stay like that for a while, just comfortably watching—stargazing— in silence. A hand cups Renjun’s face tenderly, sharing warmth with him.

“Have you eaten yet?” Donghyuk asks.

The silent answer is enough for Donghyuck to know Renjun probably hasn’t had any refreshment since he started working on this room. He pinches Renjun’s cheeks in retaliation, “You should be grateful I found you instead of Jaemin, he would have manhandled you and shove foods into your mouth.” He teases.

“Anyway, that’s why I’m in here in the first place, I help out in the kitchen today,” Donghyuck explains. “Wait, how long have you been here?”

Renjun isn’t sure honestly, “Uh, morning?”

“Renjun, it’s almost 4 pm.” He deadpans. Wow, he’s been here for over 8 hours?

Donghyuck puts down the portable black light on the floor before he takes Renjun’s hand and drags him out in the dark with all the confidence he has even though he almost trips over some buckets filled with paint water, he manages to find the door somehow. Renjun just lets Donghyuck handle him, a bit tired and now that he’s aware of his hunger there’s barely energy left in him.

“You should’ve taken care of yourself better!” Donghyuck complains, “But well, you’re about to eat my cooking so consider yourself lucky.”

“How can I be sure you won’t poison me? Especially in this vulnerable state,” Renjun accuses in an over-conspirational tone.

Donghyuck rolls his eyes, Renjun could particularly see _the audacity of this bitch_ Though on top of his head, “You’d probably drink your paint water thinking it was something drinkable if I haven’t found you.”

Renjun says nothing, it actually happens to many times to count. But Donghyuck doesn’t have to know that.

___

It’s nearing 12 am and Renjun is dreading the amount of coursework he still has to do, he’s been grinding for two hours and he barely gets anything done, the more he does the more he sees the details that need to be filled, the devil circle maybe brave for having such title but can they compare to a self-destructive perfectionist? And he has to start looking ideas for his thesis or final project, whatever he will be taking.

Right as Renjun is debating with himself if he should order some midnight snacks to procrastinate, a text comes through his phone, the perfect timing.

> **_Renjuuuunnn  
>  _ ** **_Do you wanna hang out  
>  _ ** **_Lets go outt  
>  _ ** _at this hour?_

One look at his messy desk is enough to strengthen his decision. _An opportunity to find ideas_ , he reasons with himself. 

> _u kno whatt, fuck ii  
>  _ _Gimme a minute  
>  _ _Where do you wan to meet  
>  _ **_YES  
>  _ ** **_Donghyuck sent a location_ **

Renjun takes a pause, he doesn’t expect for Donghyuck to actually send him the map of his location, is he out already? He opens the location Donghyuck sent him, it doesn’t exactly say the name of the place, no streets name either just coordinates, but it is somewhere in the Han river around Ttukseom. Renjun guesses he will have to follow the map directly to find Donhyuck. 

___

Renjun found Donghyuck sitting on a stair step, he is clad in all black with his hoody up, making Renjun nearly misses him if his bright copper hair doesn’t peak through over. Between the commute from his place to Donghyuck’s location, he’s pretty sure now is right over midnight.

“Hey.” Renjun nudges Donghyuck with his shoes before sitting down next to him.

Donghyuk shifts and immediately press close to Renjun’s side, tucking himself into Renjun’s space. He rests his head on Renjun’s shoulder and tangles their arms together, hands meeting to intertwine.

“You okay?” Renjun asks quietly.

Donghyuck buries himself more into Renjun, “Yeah, just want a company.” 

It’s summer so the air is humid even when the sun is down, however, Donghyuck’s hand is cold when it touches with his.

The spot Donghyuck chose is quite dark, there is one streetlight near but they are far enough to be barely under its light. They are surrounded by tall grass and rough pavement. The view of Seoul’s metropolitan skyline from here and the wind doesn’t directly hit you in the face, but at this hour and the lack of life, it’s too close to horror for Renjun’s comfort. He squeezes Donghyuck’s hand tighter, Renjun wants inspiration but this might be too wild for his imagination.

“What is that?” Renjun says instead, he points to the small white piano-looking device on Donghyuck’s lap.

“Oh, this?” Donghyuck runs his fingers on top of the keys, they don’t make any sound, “It’s a synthesizer, called OP-1.”

Renjun doesn’t know much about the synthesizer, “It’s cute.”

Donghyuck grins, “Right? I bought this from Taeyong-hyung, it’s already discontinued so everything second-hand anyway, but I got this for real bargain.” he sounds proud and fond at the same time.

“How do you use it? Like using a piano?”

Donghyuck hums, “Can be.” He brings their hand on top of the synthesizer while his other hand turns the device on, “Come one, press any key.”

Renjun is almost reluctant to let go of Donghyuck’s hand but he’s undeniable curious at the little machine. Renjun mouths an ‘o’ when he presses the key, instead of a piano sound something else comes out from it, he doesn’t know what to place the sound as but it’s deep. 

Donghyuck huffs a laugh at Renjun’s expression, “Now choose any three keys.”

Renjun doesn’t bother mulling over which keys he wants to press and just slams whatever the nearest to his finger, he feels slightly embarrassed when an incoherent noise comes out.

Donghyuck just nods, “Give me a minute.” He starts messing around with synthesizer, pushing and turning buttons.

Renjun watches in fascination as a more coherent sound slowly builds up, Donghyuck’s nimble fingers working rhythmically on the machine. It all feels really quick, it seems like almost no time pass at all even though Renjun knows that it actually takes time but Donghyuck does it so effortlessly it almost looks like magic. Donghyuck has come up with a workable melody with the random three keys Renjun carelessly chose.

“Holy shit, Donghyuck.” The music loops through the synthesizer speaker.

“Not bad, right?”

“Sounds better than Billie Eilish.” Renjun states. He says it so nonsensically that it chokes out a laugh from Donghyuck.

“Dude, even for me that’s too much.” Donghyuck smiles, but the brightness of his face slowly quieten down.

Donghyuck falls back to Renjun again, he straightens his legs and sighs. “That was the most productive I’ve been for hours.”

Renjun heart aches at the sound of Donghyuck’s voice, “You often do this?” He asks instead.

“Yeah, not here _here_ always, but I always end up near Han River.”

There a lot of thoughts pass through Renjun’s head, questions and speculation.

“You want to talk?”

Donghyuck whines petulantly and buries his face deeper into Renjun instead.

Well, he can find a way for Donghyuck to actually talk and forces his way in, but, “I’m hungry, let’s get food.”

Renjun stands up suddenly, startling Donghyuck.

___

They buy ramyeon and some packaged hotdogs from the nearest convenience store. Renjun eyes Donghyuck’s three-package ramyeon monstrosity and wonders if he just emo-hungry. Renjun himself was there before.

“Stop judging me, I’m hungry.” Donghyuck pouts.

Renjun shots him a disbelieving look, “You literally just shit me on choosing shin ramyeon.”

Donghyuck shrugs, “Jin ramyeon is superior.” He says as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

Renjun rolls his eyes and stuffs his mouth with noodles so he won’t argue full-blown out with Donghyuck. He watches in awe as Donghyuck finishes his ramyeon in record time as if Donghyuck as a TV dinner show. Renjun licks his lips.

“So?”

Donghyuck shots him a _look_.

“Use your words, darling.” Renjun’s tone is borderline patronizing. But it seems to get through Donghyuck as he slumps his shoulder.

Donghyuck runs a finger through his hair frustratedly, “I don’t know. It just feels weird.”

Renjun waits for him to elaborate. “Ever since that video of yours got viral. Everything just, fall into places.”

It should be a good thing, that people start noticing Donghyuck for his own activities, not a shadow of his brothers. But there isn’t a single trace of triumph on Donghyuck, he just looks confused and defeated.

“Why do you barely share about yourself, Donghyuck?” Renjun asks quietly, this been in his mind since Jaemin’s text, since he saw Donghyuck’s Instagram page.

Recognition flashes in Donghyuck’s eyes, he looks guilty.

“I-I wasn’t ready. I guess.” 

"You open up to me."

"You are different," Donghyuck's voice is small and it hits something in Renjun's chest.

"Sorry for asking you that." _S_ _orry for demanding you that, when you aren't ready._

Donghyuck just sighs and shooks his head. He inhales and a familiar fire is back in his eyes. 

Renjun breath hitches.

"Everything is just overwhelming, everyone is just so supportive and I swear my brothers look happier when they see that viral video rather than when they debuted their EPs. And. And— you're right." He looks down, soft bangs covering his eyes. 

"Jaemin tried before, so did my brothers, so did Doyoung-hyung and Ten-hyung. But I never actually listen. I think." He exhales.

"And it's funny to think that, I confidently said I would do it in any way I can," Donghyuck refers back to that conversation in the chicken place, "It takes me a while to get here, huh." 

"You really can push my buttons, Huang Renjun." 

Renjun feels like he could get lost in Donghyuck's emotions. 

___

They go back to Donghyuck's place because it's closer and also because taxi fares are expensive that it will make Renjun's wallet cries. 

Donghyuck changes into his sleepwear while Renjun takes off his jacket and joggers, leaving him in his soft t-shirt and shorts, already foreseen the circumstance where he knows he will fall flat onto a mattress when he gets back immediately, this is a slightly different scenario but it works well. 

Donghyuck wraps his arm around Renjun's waist and drags him to his bed. They slip under the cover quietly, sleepiness on top of their mind. 

Donghyuck is definitely a cuddler, because he immediately tucks Renjun into his chest when their heads fall on the pillow. Renjun doesn't mind, Donghyuck is warm now, such contrast when they were on Han river. It's comfortable, and he strangely feels safe in Donghyuck's arms, like he can give himself completely to Donghyuck. 

Neither of them are sleeping yet. Renjun is listening to Donghyuck's heartbeats where his forehead meets Donghyuck's chest. One of Donghyuck's hands is caressing the bottom of his head, softly circling where his neck and his head meet. Renjun tries not to shiver against Donghyuck 

It's warm. Incredibly warm, where Renjun can't even tell where it begins and where it ends. Renjun can't tell where he starts and Donghyuck ends.

“Be mine.” Renjun whispers.

Donghyuck chokes at him, face flushed and disbelieving. Renjun is confused at first, then promptly horrifies at the fact he just blurts out his feelings that he apparently has. 

"-mine, mine project! Yeah, be my model for my project!" Renjun scrambles to fixes himself, pulling anything out of his ass. It's not a complete lie if Renjun really needs someone for his final project, which he will fill the details later.

Donghyuck still looks shocked but nods his head anyway. He says nothing, and Renjun is terrified that he fucks up their friendship.

They sit like that together in awkward silence for a while, each busy with their own thoughts.

Renjun becomes more anxious as time passes without Donghyuck saying anything, he almost couldn't bear it.

"D—"

"Renjun." Donghyuck beats him to it, his voice firm. It makes Renjun weak for many different reasons.

"You should have confessed properly!"

The words that come from Donghyuck's mouth stuns Renjun, he can't believe he's in this situation. Renjun wants to hide. 

He tries to cover his face with his hand, but Donghyuck is quick to grab them.

"So?" he demands.

"Oh my god, Donghyuck!" Renjun is beyond embarrassed. 

"So!!!"

"Fuck, alright I want you, okay?!" 

Donghyuck snorts at his outburst, "Not the most romantic but I take it." 

Renjun wants to chortle _you asshole_ back but his voice dries out at the last part of Donghyuck's sentence.

Donghyuck grins, he puts Renjun's hands in his down, still holding on them tightly. 

"I'm yours," Donghyuck whispers as he kisses Renjun's eyelid softly.

___

His internship with Johnny and Ten is nearing its time, so does his final freedom before working on his thesis or final project, which he hasn’t decided yet. This time he’s in the office alone with Ten, wrapping up the final touches on the Prive photoshoot. It’s been a while since his first professional shoot and his first meeting with Donghyuck, in a month's time their work will be published for the world to see.

**You’ve got messages**

> **_I just got down from metro, be there soon!  
>  _** **_Don't forget to talk to Ten, kay_ **

Renjun sighs, he’s been pushing it off but with his boyfriend on his way here he knows Donghyuck won’t take it if he doesn’t do what they promised.

(“You help me a lot Renjun, let Ten or Johnny help you too.” Donghyuck breathes into Renjun’s mouth.

“Really? You say this right now?”

“Of course I say it right now, you’re thinking too damn loud.”

Renjun laughs, “What? Aren’t you supposed to be the one who pull me away?”

Donghyuck makes sure Renjun will drown in him for that alone. Prick.)

Renjun glances at his mentor who has an intense gaze on the monitor filled with Donghyuck’s faces on it. Without Donghyuck coming here Renjun knows he won’t be able to escape his boyfriend’s presence anyway.

“Hey, Ten?”

Renjun tries not to flinch when that gaze turns to him instead. Ten always get this incredible sense when things are not simply casual.

He smiles at Renjun, “Yes, bub?”

“This is kinda out of nowhere but,” Renjun bites his lip,“I never know what the reason you guys accept me here. And I, would like to know the reason if possible.” Renjun finishes, it’s been a long time since he has spoken this polite to Ten.

Ten studies him for a minute, Renjun tries not to squirm. He really can’t tell what his mentor is thinking, and he doesn’t think he wants to know.

“You are honest.” Ten says a matter of factly. “To be frank, Jun, your portfolio doesn’t even match our category of field.”

Renjun blushes when he remembers all the illustrations he sent to a photography agency, it was reckless of him but he had only hope for the best back then, and when he was accepted he didn’t dare to question how he got in, well, until now.

“But your works are startlingly sincere. You have that important essence, of being honest at what you are creating. And that is important for anyone if they want to keep going like us, it is their integrity, their pillar.You clearly have that, both Johnny and I saw it. And we just thought that we could learn as much from you as we can give you.”

Renjun’s throat contracts, “I-” he tries to speak, but no sound comes out.

Ten pats his head, “You’ll be fine wherever you are, Jun.”

Renjun lets Ten pats his head down, trying desperately to stop the sudden waves of tears. Frankly, everything is just so overwhelming. And relieving. Renjun feels like a dam just breaks.

“Renjun! Ten-hyung! Where are you?”

A new wave of emotions washes over him at the sound of his boyfriend’s voice. _Donghyuck._

Renjun stands suddenly, surprising Ten who was still patting his head. He speedwalks towards the source of the voice, a strong desire to have Donghyuck in his arms intensifies.

Donghyuck beams when he sees the sight of Renjun, but it quickly turns into worry when he catches the water in Renjun’s eyes. “Renjun?” He calls in concern.

Renjun just gives him a wet smile before pulling him in, wrapping his arm around Donghyuck’s waist.

“What—”

Before Donghyuck can finish what he’s saying, Renjun slots their mouths together. Donghyuck gasps, allowing Renjun to deepen the kiss. His reaction is immediate, Donghyuck quickly wraps his arms around Renjun, not letting him the be only one to support both of them. Renjun just keeps kissing Donghyuck, swallowing his moans, emotions jumbled up together.

_Thank you. Thank you._

Donghyuck smiles into their kiss.

___

("Wait, when the fuck did you guys got together?" Ten has a shit-eating grin on his face. He has a phone in one hand, furiously typing into it. 

Renjun hides his face into the crook of Donghyuck's neck, embarrassed that his mentor actually watched him went feral for Donghyuck.

Donghyuck holds Renjun tighter in his arms, "A while?" He blinks innocently, making his answer as vague as possible. 

Ten snorts, "I knew you'd say that." He grins, "And that means I win the bet."

Donghyuck mutters _I fucking knew it_ under his breath. 

"Fuck you all," Renjun spits, but the effect is muffled.) 

**Author's Note:**

> random anecdotes:
> 
> -hyuck shaves for johnten personal project  
> -taeil owns the studio where johnten does their personal project, he is rich and hot  
> -renmin actually become totally besties  
> -renjun ends up coming back to work with johnten after graduation but he also publishes his own children books, fully written and illustrated by huang renjun himself!


End file.
